The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
