So drunk, too bad you don't want this
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize