I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Can you bring me the toilet please
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Congratulations! We have a period
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
