I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
