Nicole vs. Life
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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