thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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