Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
