Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
