She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I did not marry a roomba.
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