girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
