Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
