is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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