I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
