She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
