Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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