Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
