Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize