a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You made out with two different species that night
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
