i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
