The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
