I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
