apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize