I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
