he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
