why didn't you poke me back
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
