my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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