Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
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