and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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