Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
