help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Randomize
