i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I looked at my own cervix.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
