So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
