found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
My breath smells like gin and sadness
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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