Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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