direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize