toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
