You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
