FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Do vagina's smell?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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