there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
