dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
