I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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