just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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