Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
