Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I still have a little drunk in my system
You should frame my arrest warrant.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize