U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
