I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
