You're so nebulous sometimes
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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