I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
