its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize