am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
