I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
