New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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