why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize