Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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