I think im going to throw up on grandma
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
