I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize