she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
