You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Randomize
