My balls are so social today.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
