So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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