holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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