Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
