so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
