Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
