so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
