Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
love makes seman taste better
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize
