My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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