shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
