You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
