This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
My ATM looks so different sober.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
