I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
