Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
