On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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