We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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