remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
