11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
