If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
