My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
