imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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